Confessionals

I am exhausted. Robbie, don't ask me to play another game. In fact, don't even contact me if it's about a game. I'm so over this stuff. Nothing against you at all but omg......

We won another immunity challenge! We are wiping out the others. It's nice to have easy nights like this.

This sucks. They want me to vote out sawyer!! I love him too much to let him go but he really isn't pulling his weight and we did only talk once. I need to do what is best for the tribe.

I kinda didn't want to win tonight. Now of course I will have a target but whatever. I may become reckless so I can get out lol. Right now I'm being tugged by Desmond to cote out ana, Kate or Charles because apparently they wanted me out if I lost. I don't believe it, but I may vote Charlie just to spice things up.

I have been talking to John Locke and he may be a future ally.

Fuck. I can't believe we had a tribe swap. The good thing is I get to work with John. It sucks I have to separate from Kate and ana.

This is going to be a big night and I don't know who to trust. I need to just start playing for me. John wants to throw so we can take out Charlie but I don't like that. I don't want to lose on purpose just to get rid of John.

Ana and Kate's tribe won. Sigh. We actually didn't try to throw this time. :/ I guess we really were slow....or John is full of shit.

So here I am on the losing tribe and Ana and Kate have yet to say a word to me. I am feeling less and less guilty about voting Charlie. Even he hasn't said anything to me. John is the only one talking to me. What sucks is I feel I'm being used by him to save Sun from the other tribe This is the last throw from me.

Why the hell is everyone coming to me for everything?? Charlie wants to know who to vote. Bitch you tell me! Eko is suggesting we work with Charlie on the vote yet doesn't say a name. Then the best one is John. He threatens me with the fact that one of them have the hii. I thought it would be a good idea to work with him but now I don't think so. I do have to consider a lot with this decision though. I still think at final 6 with my tribe I would be out first. Then John is talking about Sun and Ben so much Id probably be 4th with them. I don't know what to do.

If the votes are in tonight, will you read them?

I'm going to watch the posting quotas between Ana, Kate, and Charlie.

Yes I will post tonight.

So much info is coming my way. Ana outed her alliance with Eko, Kate, and Charlie. Eko outed his alliance with Kate, Ana, and Charlie. I am now in a private chat with John, Sun, Benjamin, and Charles where John is running the show and calling the shots. Most of all, Kate is mad at me for voting Charlie. That's what Ana told me. Here's what I have to say about that. Fuck you. Yes. Fuck you and Charlie. How is she going to be mad at me over that when she is the one that hasn't been upfront with me? That and I never had an alliance with Charlie. Yes I lied to him so he would get voted out but that's it. I didn't owe him honesty. That's alright though. I know who to target next. It won't be pretty.

I have managed to find a way to get Charlie or Kate out. There is so much manipulation and lying I had to do but I did it and those things are part of the game. I have managed to get everyone to vote my way. John's old tribe is voting Kate with me, Kate's tribe is voting Sun and think Desmond is voting with them. He is actually voting Charles lol. This means Kate will be leaving. It's bittersweet. I don't have much against her but I know in the end she won't work with me. Desmond btw is my new F2 and what we are cooking up for this game will be magic. Lol. I alos told ana that so much overthetop stuff to get her to vote my way. I hope she isn't too upset when tomorrow's votes are revealed.

Tonight scares me a little. I feel like I have to win. So Desmond and I are going to swing back with eko and our old tribe to vote out someone from the other side. We just haven't decided yet. I just don't know if Charlie or Ana are so trusting in me anymore. I have gone against the majority twice. I have to win tonight. Have to.

I won tonight's immunity and managed to get a huge thread voted out. I'm very happy about this but now the target on my back is even bigger. Now I will be getting it from both sides. I guess now would be a good time to pick sides with Ana, Eko, and of course Desmond.

I am very concerned. Charlie and Charles want me out. I will really need to keep things safe and kiss ass for a bit

So far things have been going my way and I am loving it. We get Kate out. Check. John leaves next. Check. Try hard Charles' crusty ass left last night. Check. Now to get rid of Charlie or Sun. If Charlie is smart he will get with Ben and Sun and vote me. I do think Charlie is smart which is why I may play my idol tonight. I can't risk it. If I get any negative vibe I am playing it.

Eko is acting funny as well. He seems to want to keep Charlie around. That's very interesting.

It's confirmed. Charlie wants me out. He messed with the wrong blonde.

So Ben won immunity. I know my head is on the chopping block now. I just hope we can get Charlie before he gets me.

Tonight everyone is quiet. Spooky.

This is all getting so close. Desmond and I are so close to finals. We just have to pray we make it past tonight. I am praying right now lol.

Ana is gone and it's the saddest departure that has happened this entire game. I am happy it wasn't myself or Desmond after the huge risk of not using the hii but it sucks it was Ana. She was the first person I connected with and I have a raging lesbean crush on Michelle Rodriguez. I will miss you so much Ana.

Ben wants to work back together so with Desmond on the left and with Ben on the right I don't see how I can't make finals.

Tonight I feel very safe. My problem is which side do I choose? Desmond told me something yesterday that got my suspicions up. He told me that Eko slipped about taking me out before yesterday's comp. I haven't brought it back up to him but at the same time I know that I may need to separate those two so Desmond won't entertain the idea of possibly taking me out at Final 4 if it happens to be us and Sun. I wasn't worried about Sun at first but Desmond brought her up today and asked about thoughts on her being in the final 3 with us. Why would he bring that up? I may need to make another move that could cost me another vote tonight.

I have pretty much given up. There is no way I'm winning. I'm not proud of most of what went down this game with me. If Ben and Sun are taking me then so be it. I've lost this fight.